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Lost cucumber found mutilated

A cucumber that mysteriously disappeared out of my Sunday evening grocery haul surfaced Monday morning, much worse for the wear.

Seems my dog Saywer found the thing, who knows where, and likened it to a bone or chew toy.

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At least his mutilation of the cucumber was not as destructive as the times he ate my cell phone and walking shoes. A past dog of mine ate a tube of sunblock and book about the devil. One of my rats, who romped through my apartment sans cage, chewed a hole through the arm of my leather jacket.

The cucumber seems quite tame, especially since it is not known to be harmful to dogs, unlike raisins, onions or chewing gum.

Perhaps Sawyer needed more greens in his diet.

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What’s the weirdest thing your pet ever chewed up, destroyed or ate?
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Scowl for the camera

Don’t smile for the camera if you’re getting a driver’s license photo in one of the four states that ban grins from such pictures, according to a report in the Arizona Daily Star.

The states are Arkansas, Indiana, Nevada and Virginia.

The report mentions that the states’ identification software works better if people are lacking expression in the photos. But we think otherwise.

It’s probably because most people aren’t smiling when they get pulled over. Perhaps folks should be asked to scowl for the camera when getting their driver’s license photos taken.

scowl1Other photos in which people should not be smiling:

• Mug shots

• Photos taken at funeral homes*

• Tragic scenes of car crashes, drownings, fires

• Shots depicting murder or mayhem (unless the one smiling is the psychotic killer)

• Anything at airports unless the shot includes long lost lovers, friends or family members being reunited

*I learned the funeral home lesson the hard way when I profiled a pet funeral home in Brooklyn, All Pets Go To Heaven, and came back with a stack of photos of the owners standing around a dog casket grinning. There was no dog inside, but my editor chided me nonetheless for asking the funeral directors to smile. “Ryn, no one smiles at a funeral.”

Have you ever smiled, laughed or displayed inappropriate humor at an inappropriate time?

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