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Sunday, April 24th, 2016

FRACTURE

I once
walked
barefoot through the
streets of new york – with
nary a care in the world – I was
young I was
dumb I did not
give a damn – I was
painted with markers and
drunk from last night I
thought –
myself –
immortal – right
down
to the
soles
of
my
feet. A

(more…)

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Friday, March 11th, 2016

Top 30 Highlights of Tucson Miniatures Museum

The Mini Time Machine: Tucson Museum of Miniatures from Ryn Gargulinski
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Saturday, February 20th, 2016

4 Ways to Get Your Book Published

book

Just like doctors get asked by their relatives about aches, pains and boils, writers get asked about how to get stuff published. One son of a cousin of a parent recently asked my mom to ask me to send him some info on getting his just-finished novel published. I finally! wrote him a note, which I’ve turned into this blog post.

While I do have several published books on the market, I’m by no means an expert. But I can provide a bit of insight based on my own research and experience.

You basically have four main options for publishing your book, and you can mix and mingle the options as desired. I’ve been through the first three options but am inclined to skip the fourth.

4 Ways to Get Your Book Published

Self-Publishing

Pros:

  • Easiest, fastest
  • Get to keep full control and all profits

Cons:

  • Have to do own layout, editing, marketing
  • Amazon takes big chunk of sales (and other platforms not as popular)

Here you can either find a vanity press and pay to have your book published, or figure out where you want to sell your book and do all the layout yourself then upload in proper format seller requires. Amazon has a self-publishing arm called CreateSpace, which is probably the hottest online book market – although Amazon does take a hefty percentage of your sales.

You can sell books online only, made-to-order when someone orders one. Or you can get better prices with bulk printing to stock up and sell in-person or mail out yourself.  If you choose the latter, you can store your hundreds of books in your home office-gym and dust them weekly with the treadmill while saying, “You know, I should really do some marketing with these books.”

Finding a Traditional Publisher

Pros:

  • May get advance
  • Help with layout, editing, marketing (maybe)

Cons:

  • Don’t get royalties until advance is paid off
  • Royalty payment terms may have all kinds of sneaky clauses that result in royalty checks for $2.47

This route involves researching books similar to yours to determine what companies may be interested in your book. Writers Market also publishes an annual master list of publishers, agents and other outlets and resources for getting your stuff published.

Search out publishers that look promising then review their submission guidelines. Some may want full manuscript (ms), some may want proposal and others may be OK if you happen to know the CEO or have a friend of a friend who babysits for her daughter.

Every time I go through the massive boxes of files I move from house to house, I always run across a giant, bright blue folder of rejection letters from publishers. Not sure why I keep them, and also not sure where they are at the moment, but seeking out traditional publisher requires a thick skin (and plenty of colorful file folders).

Oh yeah, and the biggest-name publishers usually only accept book ideas or proposals through an agent.

Finding an Agent

Pros:

  • Guidance and support throughout the entire process
  • Editing help, tips and insider knowledge of industry

Cons:

  • They get a percentage of the cut, of course
  • They may get pregnant and abandon you at the drop of a hat

Writers Market is again the go-to for finding agents in your book’s specific genre, although you can also go with online searches to see who pops up. Make sure the person has a solid history and reputation before you tell them anything.

I had an agent once, rather briefly. She had read some of work in newspapers and contacted me to put together a book. Yippeee!! All was going swell, with her walking me through the proposal process, giving me tips and deadlines – and then she pretty much disappeared.

Got an email from her several weeks later saying she was leaving the agency to go have a baby. “And I’m sure you’re happy for me.”

At least I got a bunch of knowledge out of the deal and now know what goes into the scope of a killer book proposal.

Sitting in Bar Hoping to Get Discovered

Pros:

  • Even easier than self-publishing
  • Can make a lot of drunken friends who will promise to buy your book when published

Cons:

  • Results may not be optimum
  • Probably get a beer belly

This one worked for Mickey Rourke in “Barfly” when he was portraying poet Charles Bukowski. If the movie was indeed true to Bukowski’s life, however, the guy was a mess, wasted any money he earned on booze and got beat up a lot. You may want to avoid this option unless you’re a good fighter.

Publishing First Step

Keep in mind that getting your book published is only the first step. After that comes marketing, marketing, marketing and more marketing. But you’ll get to that one soon enough! The best marketing tip I ever received was “Get your book on Oprah.” Not sure if she’s even still around, so maybe you want to go for Howard Stern?

Good Luck!

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Friday, February 5th, 2016

Beware of Crappy Carpet: The Great Home Improvement Project

rynski tucson living room

It all started with the carpet. After living with the exact same home décor for the past seven years, I suddenly realized the living room carpet sucked. I had been in denial for the longest time about my area rug choice, which was a combination of two vintage orange shags and one black and white zebra stripe.

The orange shag was authentically from the 1970s, or perhaps even the 60s, given to me back in Tucumcari, New Mexico, from the people at the radio station. I had paid a visit to interview one of them for the newspaper where I worked.

“Love! the carpet,” I had exclaimed.

Station folks explained it was only temporary. It had come from someone’s basement after they had to pull up their existing carpet due to a flood. Once they get the new carpet, would I like the orange shag?

“Would I ever!”

The orange shag then followed me around from New Mexico to Northern California, Southern Oregon to Tucson, Arizona. The nostalgia and color that matches absolutely nothing blinded me to the sorry shape the rugs were actually in. (more…)

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Thursday, January 21st, 2016

How to Fix Your Brother Printer When It Goes Offline

 

rat sloth 2

  1. Send about 35 pages to print, expecting printer to work like it usually does.
  2. Get the ERROR message on the side of your computer screen that says PRINTER OFFLINE.
  3. Restart computer.
  4. Do load of laundry while waiting for extensive computer rebooting process.
  5. Try sending pages to print again.
  6. Enjoy repeat performance of PRINTER OFFLINE show.
  7. Shut down computer.
  8. Shut down power strip on printer, which involves gently moving cumbersome, expensive brick kiln you bought to make silver jewelry and then stored on a rolling platform thing under the desk.
  9. Turn on computer.
  10. Turn on power strip for printer.
  11. Move load of laundry to the dryer while waiting for everything to reboot.
  12. Send pages to printer again.
  13. Enjoy another encore of the PRINTER OFFLINE show.
  14. Get pop-up WIZARD thing that promises to look for a solution.
  15. Check boxes on wizard thing that confirms you did all those obvious things like making sure printer is on, plugged in, not lying on its side in an ally somewhere, etc.
  16. Click ALLOW on box that comes up, asking if it’s OK for Brother to tinker around with computer hard drive and make any changes it feels like making.
  17. Watch the little spinny thing in middle of computer screen that’s supposed to prove something is doing something while you sit there like an idiot.
  18. Watch the spinny thing some more, thinking of how it reminds you of the laundry spinning around the dryer.
  19. Go eat breakfast.
  20. Come back to computer to find BIG RED X in middle of pop-up on screen, telling you there was an error and the program must shut down.
  21. Let the program shut down.
  22. Try sending pages again, just for the heck of it.
  23. Get one more glimpse of the PRINTER ERROR show.
  24. Try one of two options below.

One option: Repeat process as frequently as time, patience and sanity allows.

Other option: Work on projects that require no printing for the day, one of which can be searching online for a new printer.

WARNING: It may be days, weeks or even months later, but the printer may one day suddenly decide to start printing again. When this happens, you will be treated to more than 100 pages of stuff you sent to the printer eons ago, totally forgetting about it.

DO NOT CANCEL printing job or you’ll be subjected, once again, to the PRINTER OFFLINE show.

Just learn to love scrap paper.

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Saturday, January 9th, 2016

QUOTE: dangers of thinking

quote thinking

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Friday, January 1st, 2016

my dogs’ new year’s resolutions

dog new year resolution

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Friday, November 27th, 2015

the septic bucket list: 22 things NOT to do before you die

Septic bucket list book: 22 things NOT to do before you die from Ryn Gargulinski
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Tuesday, November 24th, 2015

OBIT: Phoebe ‘Dini’ Gargulinski, age 98

dog dini full

After a long, proud and loud life, Phoebe “Dini” Gargulinski passed away quietly on Nov. 24, 2015. She was 14 years old in dog years, which would make her about 98.

Although she did become quite crotchety in her old age, Dini had a long history of being a sweetheart who excelled at the art of “wiggle worming, ” a practice where her entire battering-ram-shaped body wiggled back and forth when she wagged her tail with glee. (more…)

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