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World Safety 101 (poem)

ban guns poetry

 

Gotta ban guns. Gotta ban

knives. Gotta ban sticks. They all

take lives. Gotta ban bats. Gotta

ban rocks. Gotta ban lasers and tasers that shock.

 

Gotta ban pepper spray. Gotta ban stones. They go

with the sticks and break all your bones. Gotta ban

weights you can smash on a head gotta ban

pillows that suffocate dead gotta ban

chainsaws and hacksaws – the mess! –

gotta ban teeth they can bite through

your flesh gotta ban radios you

throw in a tub gotta ban

razors and golf tees and

clubs. Gotta ban

 

spoons they can scoop out

your eyes. Gotta ban sharp things

like spears and steeples. Gotta ban

sex as sex makes people who –

kill people with guns

and knives.

 

-ryn.11.09.18

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Dogs vs. Cats: A Fresh Take on an Age-Old Debate

dogs as needy girlfriends

Are you a dog person or a cat person?

Yes, you can be both. And yes, you can switch sides.

I was a cat person growing up, until I discovered dogs in adulthood.

A woman I met at the recent Valley Dogs Rescue fundraiser, Petsfly Founder Jeni Redmond, was just the opposite. She also gave quite a thought-provoking reason for her switch from dogs to cats.

“Dogs are like needy girlfriends,” she said, noting their constant pleas for attention are akin to the flurry of texts you get from gals who feel they’re being ignored.

When dogs get too insistent, she just wants to scream “Stop texting me!’” She explained it all with a laugh.

I laughed, too. Then I immediately thought of my Belgian Tervuren Reggie who actually sits on my head when I’m lying down watching Netflix instead of him. Yep, that fits.

So if dogs are prone to falling into the needy girlfriend category, what does that make cats?

With their aloof nature and penchant for completely disregarding you, many could definitely double as the emotionally unavailable boyfriend. To make sure the idea was on the right track, I tested the theory below.

Dogs as Needy Girlfriends

dogs as needy girlfriends
Dogs Needy Girlfriends
Demands to know where you are at all times Yes Yes
Checks in on you multiple times a day  Yes Yes
Gets upset if you go somewhere without her Yes Yes
Gets mad if you forget her birthday Not really Yes
Gets jealous if you give attention to someone else Yes, sometimes jealous enough to draw blood Yes, sometimes jealous enough to draw blood

This one appears to check out, aside from the tidbit about the birthday.

Cats as Emotionally Unavailable Boyfriends

cats as emotionally unavailable boyfriends
Cats Emotionally Unavailable Boyfriends
Doesn’t bother to tell you where he’s going or when he’ll be back Yes Yes
Ducks your calls multiple times a day Yes Yes
Gets annoyed when you ask to accompany him wherever he’s going Sometimes Yes
Totally forgets your birthday Yes Yes
Doesn’t even notice if you give attention to someone else Yes, unless it involves food or catnip Yes

This one aligns, too, proving the theory is correct.

The Good News

The good news is you don’t have to date your dog or cat. And not all dogs and cats will neatly fit into the needy girlfriend or emotionally unavailable boyfriend category. Not even all girlfriends and boyfriends will fall into those categories (thank goodness).

Please note this theory is all in fun, providing altogether politically incorrect stereotypes that hopefully made you at least chuckle.

Dogs and cats each have their unique quirks, which is part of the reason they’re so much fun. It’s even more fun when you learn how to work with those quirks to make a truly personal connection.

I know I’m overjoyed when Reggie rewards my constant attention with his happy little clicking noise in the back of his throat – or by moving far enough off my head so I can actually see the TV screen and breathe.

I was likewise over the moon when the cat pictured above, my pal Stephanie’s cat Witchbird, actually let me take her picture without running to hide in the closet.

Bonding with animals is a treat, whether its dogs, cats, goats or rats. This especially holds true when you fill the needs of a needy-girlfriend dog or get an emotionally-unavailable-boyfriend cat to open up or remember your birthday.

For more insights on dogs, get The Rynski Doggie Dictionary. For more insights on cats, check back later after Witchbird comes out of the closet.  

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egg haiku (emblem poem)

egg emblem poem

NOTE: This poem is both a haiku and an emblem poem. It carries the overall message of get off your duff and take action.

The universe isn’t going to do it all for you (no matter how much positive thinking you send streaming up to the stars).

dig fun illustrations? get more from a rynski book.

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carving knife (poem)

old man dog

Sometimes when

chopping apples I am

stopped

by thoughts

of mary

 

who was drunk when her

wayward electric knife

carved her forearm

instead of

the ham

 

the doctors said permanent damage

from ligaments sliced straight to bone

 

the next day

she changed

her habits – learned

to drink with her

other hand.

 

-ryn.02.12.18

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May I Brag about My Brother?

sibling rivalry turned pride

My brother won an award, and I feel like bragging about it. This is a big deal.

The award is a big deal, sure. It consists of recognition for teamwork – and a designated parking space – at the hospital where he works.

But the biggest deal about the deal is that I’m genuinely happy for my brother – and not jealous at all.

Anyone who grew up in a house peppered with sibling rivalry, heady competition, and racing to see who could do what first might know how absolutely glorious it feels to actually be happy – instead of jealous – when a sibling does something cool.

Sibling Rivalry

I’m not sure when our sibling rivalry began, but I’m guessing it was the day my younger brother was born. I don’t recall being pushed aside for my new baby brother, but I do recall thinking I was the queen of the world. That meant anything that had the potential to take attention away from me could be cause for alarm, whether the potential was actually realized or not.

While you might expect rivalry from a batch of sisters like the Kardashians, where they’re all competing for fame, fortune, and the biggest butt, it’s not something you would necessarily expect from me and my brother.

That’s because we:

  • Are four years apart
  • Have totally different interests, dreams, goals, styles. He kayaks. I paddle board. He paints saints. I paint skeletons, dogs and spiders.
  • Are pretty much on opposite sides of the personality scale (aside from our matching sarcasm and wit)
  • Are fans of different football teams
  • Took totally different paths in life, with totally different results. He went to college and medial school immediately after high school and eventually became a surgeon. I hopped on a Greyhound bus bound for New York City and eventually realized my dream of making a living through writing, art and creation.

Despite our massive differences, I still felt the need to compete. I wanted to be the first to call Mom on her birthday, send Dad a Father’s Day card, book my plane ticket for a family visit, or get dibs on the last corner piece of deep-dish Buddy’s pizza.

Competition seemed to always be part of our relationship, at least in my head. This competition sometimes reared up mightily enough for me to turn into underlying envy. I’d look at everything my brother had, which included many things I didn’t, and want to use some of that sarcasm on him.

When I heard about this latest award, however, my heart didn’t harden with jealousy. It opened with love.

What the Heck Happened?

I can pinpoint several factors that are likely to have contributed to this glorious change of heart. They include:

  • Keeping a daily gratitude list for the past year, which makes me grateful for what I have instead of what I think I lack
  • Realizing there is enough God, love, money, fun, and everything else in the world to go around for everyone to enjoy, reassuring me that I won’t get less if someone else gets more
  • Being part of a supportive community that actually cheers for people to succeed rather than secretly hoping they’ll fail
  • Stopping the dang comparisons. Someone will always be smarter, younger, richer or have fewer dental fillings – but only I can be me.

No doubt I’ll be keeping up the above practices. The daily gratitude list comes with illustrations, has spawned several art projects, and consistently obliterates negativity. The realization that there’s enough of everything for everyone helps me revel in abundance.

Supportive communities that actually cheer you on are like getting a big hug every time you’re in their presence. And stopping the comparisons helps ensure we’ll enjoy the unique person we were born to be.

Not only that, but I can merrily brag about my brother and his award, instead of groveling and wondering why I didn’t win one. I can be happy for who he is, what he does, and that he’s my award-winning brother. But that still doesn’t mean I’ll ever give up dibs on the last corner piece of Buddy’s pizza.

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