fatty fatty dove –
you’d be cute if you stopped your
fatty fatty poop.
I fear it.
I embrace it.
I let it keep me up at night.
I poke at it with a stick.
I get skeeved when I have to
touch it and pull out an
old pair of pajamas to
wrap up my rat
I abhor it.
I adore it. I really
don’t adore it I just
liked the way it
I hang doll
heads from my
ceiling fan a
shrunken skull from
I want it to go away.
I make it come
I let it sit there on
the porch I
shoo it with
I try to tell myself it is
the ultimate spiritual
experience and there’s no
way to get out of it yet I
freak out to think
I may one day
not be me. I
–Ryn Gargulinski, 05.01.13
Throw out those myths about “little old ladies” and “little old men” content doing nothing other than sitting around crocheting toilet paper covers and playing checkers.
Tucson grandma Eula Slauson proves growing older doesn’t mean growing stale – and romance never grows old.
Although the feisty femme is over 70, she recently penned two sizzling yet humorous romance novels and a book of poignant poetry. And she’s nowhere near finished yet.
Her first romance novel, “Love at First Flight, ” is the story of two Tucson real estate brokers – a man and woman, of course – who accidentally get stuck sharing a hotel room at an out-of-town convention.
Her second novel, “Seeds of Passion,” portrays a small town romance during the 1950s and 60s.
Her “Memoirs of a Woman: A Portrait in Poetry” includes poems “inspired by a lifetime of emotions in the Catskill Mountains,” some of which have received the International Library of Poetry’s Editor Choice awards.
A write-up in The Roxbury says Saluson has “taken the vulgarity out of love stories and replaced it with a tender touch of humor.”
Definitely needed more details on that one.
“I started to type the word ‘Johnson” in reference to the bulge in Harley’s jeans,” she said, “then I thought, ‘NO, I am sick and tired of reading about men’s Johnsons and the vulgar names used for women.’”
So Slauson created “Miss Kitty” and “Jolly Roger” – and if you want to learn more about those two you’ll just have to pick up a copy of “Love at First Flight.”
The only critics so far have been her grandchildren. She has four adult grandchildren and two great-grandchildren, the latter being too young for the romance novels.
“My grandchildren were shocked when they read ‘Love at First Flight.’ They didn’t seem to want to believe that people never stop thinking or feeling until they are dead,” Slauson said.
“There is no cutoff date where people are supposed to stop thinking about love, romance, sex or lust. They need to take a trip to a senior facility and see the gleam in an old man’s eye who is in his 90s and looking at a new lady just being admitted who is probably nearly as old as he is.
“Unless we get what my father used to refer to laughing at 94, a disease he called ‘Oldtimers,’ our minds stay the same as when we were 20, 30 or older.”
Not only is she a gifted writer with a grand sense of humor, but she is also not afraid to be herself.
“I don’t believe in normal. I believe in just being one’s self is right if it’s right for you. I admire those who dare to break the mold and don’t even realize they are doing it.”
Divorced twice, she’s had her own share of romances – and love – and can tell us about the difference.
“Romance is a state of mind, love is a state of the heart,” she explained. “Romance is usually inspired by lust whereas love is inspired by friendship.”
Her second marriage, especially, gave her a large dose of both romance and love – shattered by shots of reality. The two were married just three months after they met.
“That lasted 15 years and the romance was always there. Unfortunately, so was the alcohol.”
But Slauson won’t let anything jade her romantic mind, heart and spirit.
“(I’ve been) burned twice and now go into friendships with the rose colored glasses buried under two divorces,” she said. “But romance is everywhere if you want it to be. I’m still a romantic at heart and I believe most people are no matter how many times they get disillusioned.”
Although she’s only dated one person since she moved to Tucson 13 years ago, Slauson rates Tucson as a great place to date.
“I think it’s all the warm weather and ability to go and do whatever you want, whenever you want with whomever you want….It’s a very spontaneous lifestyle.”
She also rates growing older as a wonderful experience – her 2005 retirement finally gave her time to pursue her literary career – as long as folks stay active.
“I believe the secret (to growing older) is to exercise the mind and imagination the same as the rest of our bodies.
“I enjoy a beautiful sunrise or sunset, the smell of flowers and enjoy nothing more than to see two elderly people holding hands as they stroll along a pathway lined with trees or two young people looking into each other’s eyes with all the emotions of their soul showing.”
And even her grandkids are coming around.
“My grandchildren may act shocked at what I write,” she said, “but they still tell their friends, ‘That’s my grandma.’”
Learn more about Eula Slauson at www.eulaslausonauthor.net
P.S. Fellows, she’s single!
Relationship advice from Tucson romance writer Eula Slauson:
If you meet one person in your life that includes friendship, romance and lust then stop looking.
Does Eula rock or what? Even her name is cool.
What do you think the secret is to growing older beautifully?
What’s the secret to love and romance?
Do you have any crocheted toilet paper covers?