Rendition of pork patty mix/Ryn Gargulinski

People, check your freezers. You’re in deep trouble if you happen to have a package of frozen cured pork patty mix, specifically if it’s CHAMP Nem Nuong Cured Pork Patty Mix for Barbecue Meat Balls.

The stuff is being recalled. Not because of the taste – although that was my first guess – but because it is mislabeled and contains an undeclared allergen.

Full details on this recall are posted are in our Hot off the Press (Release) section.

If you happen to have this mixture, please don’t eat it because of this undeclared allergen. And please keep in mind going forward that this product made the list of foods we would rather not eat.

Foods we would rather not eat

* CHAMP Nem Nuong Cured Pork Patty Mix for Barbecue Meat Balls. No explanation needed.

* SPAM. See CHAMP Nem Nuong Cured Pork Patty Mix for Barbecue Meat Balls.

* Shrimp Flavored Chips. Even the packaging on these dandy-flavored, dried crinkly things is unappetizing. Nothing screams delicious like a yellow and red bag with pink polka dots and a little clear window so you can see the faded pink contents.


Photo Ryn Gargulinski

Unappetizing chip flavors stuff shelves from supermarkets to corner delis. We have ketchup potato chips and cheeseburger flavored Doritos. I must admit I was once a huge fan of salt and vinegar chips, when I used to eat chips. They went very well with a rare roast beef sandwich. Strange chip flavors are actually appetizing when compared to the odd slate of ice cream on the market.

Dill pickle ice cream. We expect ice cream to be creamy and sweet, and we also eat a lot of it. Americans lead the world with the largest ice cream consumption – the International Dairy Foods Association says the average American eats 48 pints each year.

If it were only available in pickle – which was created to market to pregnant women but never caught on – we might cut down on our consumption. Other disgusting but real ice cream flavors include garlic, fish, squid ink, octopus, jalapeno, pumpkin, spaghetti and cheese, pumpkin and raw horseflesh. Raw horseflesh ice cream.

Peanut butter concoctions and infusions. The other American staple of peanut butter also comes in a host of revolting flavors that have been “infused” into the mix. When I lived within driving distance of the Sunland peanut butter factory near Portales, N.M., it was a treat to visit. For some reason I bought a ginger and red pepper peanut butter, which expired in 2005, but still sits in my cupboard.


Photo Ryn Gargulinski

Other strange flavors Sunland produces include onion parsley peanut butter and hickory smoked. At least strange peanut butter flavors appear a tad more appetizing than that amalgamation of peanut butter mixed with jelly in a single jar.

Pigs feet and gefilte fish. Any time I’ve seen either of these delicacies they have looked the same: globs of objects awash in a thick white sauce. A friend of a friend of a barber’s cousin once became violently ill after eating gefilte fish one Hanukkah. Never mind the six rum and cokes she had on an empty stomach prior to her single forkful of fish, the illness must have come from the gefilte fish.

Tang. We really can’t get more chemically induced than this bright orange powder that’s mixed with water to create a bright orange breakfast beverage. While it’s fine and dandy that astronauts supposedly lived on this stuff, we don’t really want to emulate astronauts. They wear diapers on spacewalks, after all.



Photo Ryn Gargulinski

What do you think?

Have you dined on any of these delicacies?

What’s the most disgusting thing you’ve ever eaten?