rat sloth 2
  1. Send about 35 pages to print, expecting printer to work like it usually does.
  2. Get the ERROR message on the side of your computer screen that says PRINTER OFFLINE.
  3. Restart computer.
  4. Do load of laundry while waiting for extensive computer rebooting process.
  5. Try sending pages to print again.
  6. Enjoy repeat performance of PRINTER OFFLINE show.
  7. Shut down computer.
  8. Shut down power strip on printer, which involves gently moving cumbersome, expensive brick kiln you bought to make silver jewelry and then stored on a rolling platform thing under the desk.
  9. Turn on computer.
  10. Turn on power strip for printer.
  11. Move load of laundry to the dryer while waiting for everything to reboot.
  12. Send pages to printer again.
  13. Enjoy another encore of the PRINTER OFFLINE show.
  14. Get pop-up WIZARD thing that promises to look for a solution.
  15. Check boxes on wizard thing that confirms you did all those obvious things like making sure printer is on, plugged in, not lying on its side in an ally somewhere, etc.
  16. Click ALLOW on box that comes up, asking if it’s OK for Brother to tinker around with computer hard drive and make any changes it feels like making.
  17. Watch the little spinny thing in middle of computer screen that’s supposed to prove something is doing something while you sit there like an idiot.
  18. Watch the spinny thing some more, thinking of how it reminds you of the laundry spinning around the dryer.
  19. Go eat breakfast.
  20. Come back to computer to find BIG RED X in middle of pop-up on screen, telling you there was an error and the program must shut down.
  21. Let the program shut down.
  22. Try sending pages again, just for the heck of it.
  23. Get one more glimpse of the PRINTER ERROR show.
  24. Try one of two options below.

One option: Repeat process as frequently as time, patience and sanity allows.

Other option: Work on projects that require no printing for the day, one of which can be searching online for a new printer.

WARNING: It may be days, weeks or even months later, but the printer may one day suddenly decide to start printing again. When this happens, you will be treated to more than 100 pages of stuff you sent to the printer eons ago, totally forgetting about it.

DO NOT CANCEL printing job or you’ll be subjected, once again, to the PRINTER OFFLINE show.

Just learn to love scrap paper.