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Ryn Gargulinski

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tucson thrift stores

Gag gifts make us gag – in a good way

Farting pillows, aerosol cans filled with New York City subway train odor and George W. Bush toilet paper are just a few gag gifts on the market today.

Sawyer knew what to do with this gag gift/Ryn Gargulinski
Sawyer knew what to do with this gag gift/Ryn Gargulinski

No holiday would be complete without at least one gag gift that really makes us sick to our stomachs. My Christmas was blessed with three – two I received and one I gave, all of which were highly effective in their gag quality.

Please note that gag gifts are not the same as bad gifts. Gag gifts are often given in tandem with the real gifts, just so we don’t think the gift giver is a jerk. Bad gifts usually come from jerks, or at least clueless people with jerky gift ideas.

The best gag gifts in Tucson can be found at an array of thrift stores, especially Savers, which has a mighty selection of strange knickknacks. Some of the geegaws, like a vintage incense burner, are awesome. Others make the perfect joke.

Gag gifts are meant to make us laugh – although that laughter often turns to tears, especially when one of the gag gifts is an evil, rubber clown head (above).

Evil rubber clown head
Recipient: Me
Gift giver: My mom
Gag quality (1-10): 215

Clowns have long been a running theme for gag gifts in our family, ever since Grandma baptized a clown doll in the middle of her living room. I’ve gifted my mom with a clown candle holder, clown figurines grasping balloons and other clown paraphernalia. But she took the cake this year with the evil, rubber clown head. Sawyer took one look at it and knew exactly what to do with it.

What did I do to deserve this one?/Ryn Gargulinski
What did I do to deserve this one?/Ryn Gargulinski

Baby dressed as a giraffe
Recipient: Me
Gift giver: My brother and sister-in-law
Gag quality (1-10): 717

We’re not sure what to say about this gorgeous item. It definitely speaks for itself. It even came with a little handwritten note about how no holiday would be complete without such a thing.

It even came complete with missing eyelashes on one eye and a hole in the center of its porcelain forehead. This is one of those gifts that might just cross the line from disgusting to charming, although I still wonder what I ever did to deserve such a lovely item.

***

Mr. Alfonso autographed portrait
Recipient: My boyfriend
Gift giver: Yours truly
Gag quality (1-10): 999

Mr. Alfonso
Mr. Alfonso

Mr. Alfonso rates high in the gag quality because of the massive stain on the front of his pants. We don’t want to know. Anyone not familiar with this fine man can check out the kitschy horror flick “Alice, Sweet Alice” (AKA “Communion”) where a disturbed girl runs around in a yellow raincoat supposedly killing people and stabbing her mother in the leg on a stairwell.

Mr. Alfonso, the neighbor who holes up in his apartment with his 823 cats eating their food, is one of the untimely victims. No one cries when he dies. My boyfriend hung this fine portrait, “autographed” by Mr. Alfonso, in his bathroom. My boyfriend also vomited soon after hanging it, although we don’t think the two incidents are related.

[tnipoll] wb-logolil

What do you think?

Do gag gifts make you laugh or make you mad?

Does anyone actually think farting pillows are funny?

What’s the best gag gift you’ve ever gotten or received?

Filed Under: blogski, gross stuff, life Tagged With: alice sweet alice, art, baby dressed as giraffe, bad gifts, cool, crappy gifts, danger, disgusting gifts, evil clown, funky, funny gifts, gag gifts, gross, kooky, mr alfonso, rynski's blogski, tucson, tucson art, tucson crappy gifts, tucson funny gifts, tucson gag gifts, tucson savers, tucson thrift stores, twisted, wacky art, weird, whimsical

Don’t buy used underwear and other thrift shop tips

Tucson’s yard sales may often be mediocre and its garbage picking slim, but we have tons of fun stuff hanging out at thrift shops.

BeautyBoy was a glorious find at Desert Dust on South Alvernon Way/Ryn Gargulinski
BeautyBoy was a glorious find at Desert Dust on South Alvernon Way/Ryn Gargulinski

Cheap prices are just one of the thrills of frequenting these places. Others include unique items, vintage finds and a lamp we now call BeautyBoy.

This ornate and garishly delightful gold cupid lamp stands about 5 feet tall atop a heavy gold stand and features a 2-foot gold lampshade.

It has become the centerpiece of my living room and I can no longer imagine the room without it. BeautyBoy was also a special gift from a special person, making it even more enchanting.

Thrift store tips:

Don’t buy:

* Used underwear, used socks or dentures
* Things that have non-working zippers – c’mon, no matter how well meaning you are, you know you’re never going to get it fixed.
* Stuff that doesn’t fit – a case in point was a pair of size 4 antique buckle shoes, which were technically purchased at a mondo garage sale in Michigan, that I tried to wear on my size 8 feet. Never again.

Look for:

* Daily deals many shops offer where a certain color tag will be discounted 50 percent
* Really cheap sheets, pillowcases and tablecloths for fabric crafts, outdoor furniture and creating Lucky Voodoo Dolls
* Items no one else would dare wear
* Jeans and leather jackets that come already broken in
* Underarm stains

My fave Tucson thrift shops:

Savers – various locations around town
Why it rocks: One of the biggest and constantly updated selection of clothes you can find – beats out any department store by a gazillion.
Any warnings:
So much stuff you are going to spend, spend, spend.
Best buy: So many – this is my favorite clothing shop, for sure.

Goodwill – various locations around town
Why it rocks: Biggest variety of items, from clothing to shelves, belts to a brand-new sheepskin rug I nabbed for a mere $60.
Any warnings: Employees get to put dibs on items as soon as they come in, but have to wait a day or two until they are allowed to purchase them. If you pick an item everyone wants, like the sheepskin rug, you’re going to piss off a lot of employees. Sorry!
Best buy: Toss up between embellished hippie-type blouse I wore to Woodstock tribute concert and molded dinosaur head I painted pink and stuck in the gravel of my backyard, as if he’s emerging from the depths of hell to feast on someone.

Desert Dust – 1475 S. Alvernon Way
Why it rocks: That’s where BeautyBoy came from. Best tchotchke shop in the West for those seeking kitschy, creepy and very unusual décor.
Any warnings: Not your clothing shop, although I did score a pair of low-waist, flare bottom suede pants that appear they were worn by someone in the Manson Family.
Best buy: In addition to BeautyBoy, this place always has an expansive owl collection to fuel my own menagerie of them.

Buffalo Exchange – various locations around town
Why it rocks: This place can be a bit pricey, but it’s also a goldmine for vintage and crazy finds. Good shopping on the clearance racks.
Any warnings:
They buy back clothing but rarely pick anything I bring them, making me feel like I have a closet full of very unfashionable clothing (which I probably do).
Best buy: Velvet vampire shirt with bell sleeves as wide as Alaska; awesome find for less than $10 on the Halloween clearance rack although I intend to wear it for daily use.

wb-logolil7

Goodwill dinosaur head/Ryn Gargulinski
Goodwill dinosaur head/Ryn Gargulinski

What’s your favorite Tucson thrift shop and why?

Do you ever think you’ll get lice from the hats?

Does it freak you out that the clothing could have come from dead people?

What’s your best and worst thrift store find?

Filed Under: art blogski, blogski, danger, gross stuff, life Tagged With: art, beautyboy, buffalo exchange, buffalo exchange tucson, cool, desert dust, desert dust alvernon, desert dust tucson, funky, goodwill, goodwill tucson, manson pants, savers, savers tucson, tucson shopping, tucson thrift shops, tucson thrift stores, tucson used clothing, tucson vintage, twisted, wacky art, weird, whimsical

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