Holiday cheer would certainly not be the same with the fine throng of holiday music that comes with it.

At least grandma didn't get run over by a motorcycle/Ryn Gargulinski

At least grandma didn't get run over by a motorcycle/Ryn Gargulinski

After all, if Christmas songs were not billowing through every grocery store, eatery and shopping outlet, we may actually forget we were in the midst of a holiday season.

I actually have not heard as much music as I used to during previous seasons. Perhaps it has something to do with the recession. Or it may have something to do with the fact that I barely leave the house.

I recall whole neighborhoods in New York City where holiday tunes were set up to blast through tinny speakers down an entire block.

That said, I have enough ammo to classify some of these songs into their proper categories:

Most annoying song:

Jingle Bells – By far the song most likely to drive you to drink, drugs or pulling a gun on yourself or someone else, this pretty little ditty can run through your head for weeks following the holiday season. It is annoying in all its variations, whether in English, French or with alternate lyrics about Batman smelling and Robin laying an egg.

Stupidest song:

Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer – It may have been funny the first time we heard it, or even remain funny to die-hard fans of Weird Al Yankovic. But hearing it again and again year after year not only makes us realize how dumb the song really is, but it also could be harmful to children’s fragile psyches.

Song most likely to run through your head until mid-February:

Feliz Navidad – It doesn’t matter if you neither know nor understand the lyrics, just the mention of the title will have this song bursting into your brain and repeating itself way past Groundhog Day.

Song that would make the best background music for a horror movie:

Holly Jolly Christmas – Just as the upbeat, happy tune of “Stuck in the Middle with You” plays during a scene where a guy gets his ear cut off in the movie “Reservoir Dogs,” this song would make a nice backdrop to a bloody massacre or dismemberment scene.

Crappiest song:

Twelve Days of Christmas – First off, no one wants half of the crappy gifts that are outlined in the song. What on earth are we supposed to do with 10 lords a leaping? And where would we store them after the holidays?

Secondly, the dang thing goes on and on in its unending litany. The song also has a number of versions with alternate lyrics, one fairly-known version in which the first day of Christmas gets the recipient a beer. There is also a lesser-known version where on the first day of Christmas, a woman’s poodles give to her “a backyard full of poopy.”

Sappiest Song:

Blue Christmas – Not only does this song make us weep at the thought of two loves stuck far apart for the holidays, but we weep because we know how truly awful Elvis had become in the years following this song.

Coolest song:

Just so you don’t think I’m a scrooge, I’m actually listing two songs as very cool Christmas music.

Little Drummer Boy – The deep, dark rhythm and the sweet story of a frail kid who gets a high honor is enough to melt anyone’s heart.

Do You Hear What I Hear – This one has the fun repeating vocals, not unlike a rousing round of Row Your Boat. I also like the fact that a lamb gets to talk.

[tnipoll]

Ryn Gargulinski is a poet, artist, performer and TucsonCitizen.com Ryngmaster who never sings in the shower but often screeches in public. Her column appears every Friday on Rynski’s Blogski. Her art, writing and more is at RynRules.com. E-mail rynski@tucsoncitizen.com.

logoWhat do you think?

Are there holiday carols you absolutely abhor or adore? Why?

Do you have a Motown or other speciality Christmas CD?

follow rynski:

What do you think?