Whether you’re just starting a website or revamping an existing one, there are only about 512 easy steps to going about your exciting task.
I lie.
While the end result is exciting, the task leaves a lot to be desired, especially if you happen to be too broke or too cheap to pay for technical support.
And the task is not easy per se. Revamping a site certainly is not rocket science, but perhaps tedious, time-consuming and frustrating are more accurate terms than easy.
As listing all 512 steps involved in the process would be equally as tedious, we’ll instead hop to a few of the top most essential tips for setting up your own website.
Pick a program. As my site was an annoying-to-update conglomeration of pages created in Dreamweaver and MS Front Page cobbled together for the past decade, I went for WordPress.
Spend two weeks poring over the amazing WordPress themes. Spend another two week winnowing down your selection to your favorite 336 of them.
Cross off the 335 that you have to pay for and go with the free one. I opted for Graph Paper Press’s Work-a-holic theme, which happens to accurately describes the website setup process.
Devote all waking moments when you’re not working to make money to working on your site. This process lasts anywhere from one month to three years, depending on how much sleep you need.
Prepare to go live with your updated site.
Screw up a vital connection as you’re making it go live.
Weep.
Call your web host’s FREE 24-hour technical support line late on a Sunday evening.
Realize the man with the Indian accent who is probably sitting in a cubicle similar to those featured in “Slumdog Millionaire” has no idea what you’re trying to tell him.
Weep some more.
Convince yourself all your hard work is not lost, just floating off somewhere in cyberspace, not unlike the fate of astronauts named Major Tom.
Have a nervous breakdown.
Embark in a flurry of online research to find out how to get Major Tom back to the spaceship.
Ignore your dogs.
Ignore your boyfriend.
Forget to feed the lizard.
Find your answer in some tucked –away corner of the universe and try to reconnect your updated site to the place it’s supposed to be.
Make your boyfriend hit the “Enter” key once you’ve set up the connection so you can blame him if it does not work.
Voila! Your site at this point should be live, glorious – and still full of glitches. Major ones include strangely formatted photos, imported posts that did not come with accompanying slide shows, a new photo upload error and a broken comment loop.
Fix the comment loop with an innovative comment plug-in that lets people comment through their Facebook accounts – if they wish – while it also allows comments from those without Facebook.
Push the other glitches to another day since you want to unveil your updated site before 2042 or whenever your Arizona driver’s license expires, whichever comes first.
Time to feed the lizard.
