A new national pastime for men has supplanted baseball or golf – one that uses a different set of equipment.
Marriage becomes a joke with cheating spouses/Ryn Gargulinski
The hobby is cheating on their wives.
The latest on the list of skirt chasers is America’s own funnyman David Letterman. He admitted to having past sexual liaisons with some of his show’s employees.
This summer, South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford confessed a year-long affair with a woman in Argentina.
Take it back to 2008 and New York’s Gov. Eliot Spitzer was resigning after stories of his hooker romps surfaced.
And no one will ever forget former President Bill Clinton and the infamously stained blue dress.
Enough already.
While the men may moan about a variety of different reasons they chose to cheat – from a thirst for power and thrills to not getting enough attention at home – the end result is a slap in the face to their marriages.
Before they even think about unbuckling their belts with a hooker, looker or woman from Argentina, they should think about a more feasible option.
It’s this thing called divorce. In the best-case scenario, it is followed by that thing called moving on with their lives.
People still get hurt, but at least they are left with some dignity.
America’s divorce rate is already at 50 percent. A few more here and there aren’t going to make much of a difference.
It would also spare the rest of the country a lot of grief.
No longer would households be subjected to bad late night TV jokes about the Appalachian Trail.
Bookstores would not be clogged down with banal best sellers, like Sanford’s wife’s memoir expected next summer.
Ballantine Books is promoting it by saying it “will grapple with the universal issue of maintaining integrity and a sense of self during life’s difficult times” as well as bring up “the emotions, confrontations and heartbreak behind the headlines of her story.”
It also sounds like enough to make bile rise in the throat.
Maintaining this integrity and sense of self would have been much easier if the couple had simply divorced.
The “heartbreak,” also, may have been there, but not with the same amount of shame.
The Spitzer trysts, too, are expected to be part of a book written by “New York Madam” Cecil Suwal.
More garbage for the book charts.
America would also be spared the tragic symbol of Hillary “I’ll-Stand-by-my-Man” Clinton as the graceful way to deal with a husband’s infidelities.
Even if it is less graceful, it has to be much more satisfying to kick the bum out on his bum.
Demand a divorce. Better yet, divorce before the marriage crumbles to the cheating stages.
Cheating on a spouse is the epitome of dishonesty – especially when the men decide to lie about it. Even openly admitting it is a lame stab at honestly, since the dishonest deed is already done.
Divorce, at least, is honest. “Hey, I can’t live with you anymore,” also hurts a lot less than, “Honey, I just slept with a hooker.”
This editorial appears in the Monday, Oct. 12 issue of the Arizona Daily Star.
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Ryn Gargulinski is a poet, artist, performer and TucsonCitizen.com Ryngmaster who never had a cheating spouse but would kick his butt if she did. Her column appears every Friday on Rynski’s Blogski. Her art, writing and more is at RynRules.com. E-mail rynski@tucsoncitizen.com.
What do you think?
Are you sick of all these skirt chasing stories or are you going to buy the books?
Should women and men stick by their philandering spouses or throw them in the gutter?
Mornin’ Rynski! Infidelity seems rampant these days, especially amongst the ‘upper classes'(our so called model citizens). Perhaps it is just that they make the papers more often than the John Bobbitt’s do. I don’t get it. You are right, get your feelings out in the open, and call it off or get some counseling. Cheating has to be the lowest form of betrayal between couples.
mornin’ radmax – i would be hesitant to call a politician a ‘model citizen’ haha – but i do agree with the rest of your comment. it’s also sickening when the betrayed spouse takes on the role of martyr. actually, it’s sickening when ANYONE takes on the role of martyr (except joan of arc, of course).
Fun is fun, done is done.
oh my goodness!! what a haunting line! wherever did you get that phrase? sounds like something from a really good horror movie (haha).
Yes Rynski, I’ve been waiting to use that pathetic Stephan King excerpt at the appropriate time…thanx! Guess I’ll have to sign in…duplicity does not suit me.(It’s me, Radmax) 🙂
Ah, silly little Letterman. It makes his jokes about other men cheating, well, a joke.
I think if you ever once cared about the person you are in a relationship with, let them have their dignity and respect and get out before you cheat.
I’m assuming at this point, the Clinton’s marriage is a farce, but Hillary should have dumped him on his butt, and moved forward on her own.
Women that choose to stay with cheating spouses seem weak. John Edwards’ wife is dying of cancer, and he’s off making babies with some chickie. His wife needs to cut him loose and enjoy whatever time she has left on earth away from that heartless punk.
Hi az! Yeah, the Edward’s one really galls me, that and the Gov. who ‘disappeared’ and was off cheating.
Yes, John Edwards seems especially cruel, under the circumstances.
Also, the religious guy (was it Haggard?) who was cheating on his wife with a male prostitute and smoking crack. I mean, I’ve seen what people are like when they’re smoking crack. It seems like she should’ve known something was up?!?
Think it was Jim Baker? That little Bible-thumpin’ weasel.(although Tammy Faye was enough to scare the bejeezus out of anybody) Swaggert was runnin’ around with some two-bit…’lady of the evening’. Quite homely too, perfect couple.
I was thinking of Ted Haggard. I do remember the ones you’re talking about. Ted Haggard, a rich religious guru, happily married, cheating on his wife with a male prostitute who he would smoke meth with..sorry, thought it was crack, but it was meth.
He was a rather important figure in the evangelical world, I think.
Yeah az., I do remember this clown now. What a bunch of hypocrites!
here, here, AZMouse! perhaps a lot of marriages become farces, esp. if all this dishonesty is going on. maybe it’s the “known misery” syndrome, where known misery is less scary than the unknown (i.e. life without the bum).
You could be right.
I always had the philosophy that I would never allow someone to make me miserable. If I wanna be miserable on my own, then that’s MY privilege to do to myself, and nobody else gets that privilege.
lol
ha! AWESOME philosophy!
If I was with a guy, and I found out he was cheating on me, I would have absolutely NO problem leaving his sorry A$$. I would imagine that finding out your spouse has been cheating on you is incredibly painful so I don’t understand how these women stay with their cheating counterparts.
In my opinion, the most important things in a relationship is honesty, trust, and communication. Cheating violates all three…I know I would never be able to regain trust with that person again. There would ALWAYS be that little voice in the back of my head wondering if he’s straying off again. I couldn’t live like that, no way!
To true.
I always thought of cheating being like cockroaches. You know, every time you see a cockroach, you know there is ten more somewhere you can’t see. I think cheating is like that. For the one time that person got caught, there was another ten times he/she didn’t get caught.
This is a very one sided story. Although I am sure more men are guilty than women, I personally know of many instances where the women was the guilty partner. You never even mention the possibility.
Hi Bruce,
Yes, I agree that women are just as guilty as men of this behavior. I think, since there has been so much media about Letterman and a few others that happen to be men, that is why this particular blog is leaning that way.
But I definitely agree with you.
Hey Bruce –
Yes, women, too are guilty of cheating…but none have made big splashy stories of late (although Clinton’s is a bit old, a president story is splashy). I was focusing on prominent stories with prominent folks (as AZMouse already noted – she always gets it right!).
It’s a sad deal no matter who is at fault. Thanks for being fair.
I think self-control is the best option over cheating and divorce. And respect for marriage, commitment and your partner.
carolyn, I totally agree…in a perfect world…
besides, those things take – gasp! – work! too many want instant gratification and to heck with the consequences. also, because of these guys’ places as politicians and top late night TV guru, they may have though they were “above” rules that apply to the rest of the world.
I agree with you Ryn, power does corrupt people.
letterman is a pig. he always has been and always will be.
anymore, woman are just as immoral as men.
So says the resident expert on swine.
i know a pig when i see and hear one.
a man needs to honor his commitments.
I think the big difference between men’s and women’s illicit affairs is that women are looking for the romance missing in their relationships, while men are looking for the sexual thrill missing in theirs. Therefore men get caught much easier than women. It’s a lot easier to be discreet at a dimly lit cafe than the paper trail of motels or second apartments. Exceptions of course apply. Men are usually not as good at keeping something from their wives as vise versa.
interesting hypothesis…and I’d like to add what i found.
when i was doing research for this article, i was looking into reasons for cheating.
a major one for men was not the sexual thrill but the intimacy (i.e. the other woman ‘who understands’).
a major reason for women, believe it or not, was REVENGE since they had been cheated on first.
…but then, I could be completely wrong… 🙂 The revenge is an interesting one I’d forgotten about. GladI’m in a monogamous relationship.( I think) 🙂 This stuff gives me a headache.
Wow… I think we need to step back. We are all human and make mistakes. There are so many convoluted psychological reasons for people to cheat. It isn’t always about fun and sex. Sometimes it is filling a void… you are absolutely right Carolyn, that in the perfect world we would all have perfect respect for each other and our marriages, but life (and human beings) is much more complicated than that. I am not condoning it. It is wrong. It is better to confront the problem before it comes to infidelity, but we are not always so perfect.
Oh… and as far as Mrs Edwards… I cannot imagine what it would be like to be dying of cancer and dealing with all of this, but I can imagine that she needs to minimize the stress in her life and divorcing and going out on your own at this stage would be very stressful. Even though he did a horrible thing to her, he has still been her husband for a long time and the father of her children… I would probably stay. If you feel the need to make him pay, just think about him having to deal with a dying wife for possibly a long time…
hiya karen – you make a good point on the edwards thing – but how sad, for her, to say “well, my revenge is going to be burdening him by dying…yet hanging around as long as possible…”
I know, Ryn… but maybe she just would feel better having him around. Not that she wants to burden him (I was just trying to give something to those who want to punish the cheater), but that it would be most comfortable for her. I’d much rather have a loving, contrite husband around than no one.
oh! got it! and definitely see your point.
I’m sorry, Karen, I have to disagree with you there. If I was in Mrs. Edwards’ position, it would make my overall world miserable. If I was the one with cancer, I would already be filled with so much emotional/mental pain, that I would not be able to stand the extra emotional/mental pain that comes from heart break. I would not allow myself to live unhappily, especially if I knew my dying day was near. I would rather spend the time I had left surrounded by those who love me…not someone that I can no longer trust and have been deceived by. 😛
I agree with you, Jennatoolz. Why live the remainder of your life out with someone who so willingly and publicly humiliated you. I’m sure there are family members and friends who will lovingly support her and have been.
Yes, we don’t know all the ins and outs of particular people’s relationships and marriages and it isn’t about ‘punishing’ the cheater. Just some cheating in particular seems much more callous and selfish than others.
I mean, most of the people we’re talking about didn’t just slip-up one fun, crazy evening out and have a little tryst. They were continuous and sometimes multiple liaisons by people who aren’t (generally speaking) stupid and that knew the consequences of their behavior.
Your last line…that sounds sad. You deserve THE BEST husband, as we all do, especially during such a time.
(replying to Karen)
In the final analysis, the old saw is still true, “it’s cheaper to keep ’em”. Anything that involves attorneys and the court system is going to cost both parties big bucks.
In today’s world, I have speculated on the possibility that marriage licenses ought be the same as a driver’s license. If you don’t renew it, it’s no longer valid, a simple and effective solution, IMO, *AND* it would be a regular source of income for the state . However practical that option is, the lawyer’s lobby and the various bar associations would never let something like that become law. It would cost too many of them their livelihood.
I can’t say that the current practice of pretend serial monagamy is any better that the traditional practice of pretend monagamy.
The problem is the pretended insistence on monagamy and epithets like “cheating”.
The happiest and longest lasting marriages I have known were tolerant of a little less than total monagamy.
Tip, it sounds good to be tolerant of extramarital dalliances. I don’t believe most people can look the other way as their significant other strays. I know I would find it devastating. Even with an open relationship, I wonder how many of these couples remain together statistically.
It is easy to catch a cheating spouse by tracking his/her computer usage. You can try a PC surveillance software, like Power Spy. It lets you know EXACTLY what others do on your PC while you are away. Such monitoring acts so stealthily that the user won’t know its existence. You can receive log reports via your secret email or ftp periodically and catch the cheater in no time. The tool is downloadable from the ematrixsoft.com site for free. Now, you can reveal the truth by yourself.